Why is the therapeutic relationship so important?

This week’s post is on the therapeutic relationship. By that we mean, the relationship you have with your therapist. Let’s get started.

Ever walk into a session with a new therapist, feel your walls go up and the therapist just keeps talking like nothing happened? The session ends and you leave feeling incredibly awkward? Or perhaps, you’ve had a few sessions with your new counsellor and you respect them and feel cared for, but struggle to connect with anything they’ve said once you leave the session? In both cases, we would argue that the “therapeutic relationship” wasn’t able to form. Let’s break that down.

Like any relationship that is worth nurturing, that makes you feel seen, that excites you about the potential of the impact on your life, the relationship with your counsellor should evoke similar feelings. As counsellors, we focus on cradling these feelings in school. We’re told to focus on body language, our style of communicating, the warmth of our presence, and a number of other theoretical ways to show up. We’re told to create warmth, safety, and understanding. And these things are all good and true. But underneath these techniques and desired outcomes, lies the true goal - the formation of a relationship. To push through the veil of anonymity maintained with strangers and form a real, human, bond.

But you may not have gone to school to read people or mimic their crossed arms to make them feel ordinary. 

And that’s okay. 

Despite not knowing these tools of “relationship building 101” I bet you could tell me when meeting someone new feels exciting versus exhausting. Feels comforting versus unsettling. This feeling requires no training, it is innate and in all of us. It is what helps us decide who we can trust and who we should be wary of. 

Listening to this gut feeling is important, dare I say, crucial, for the depth of your therapeutic experience. If you feel comfortable, safe, and aligned, you can bet we do too. And this is where a lot of the magic is born.

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So what does therapy look like when you have formed a therapeutic relationship? How will I know when I’m there?

Let’s now pretend you’ve come to a session, maybe a few, and all of a sudden it feels like your therapist gets you, allowing you to begin jumping into topics without needing to explain every detail to “make sure they understand”. This allows you to go deeper. To introduce topics that are either harder to explain or harder to vocalize. Instead of needing to be concerned about how these details are interpreted or whether or not judgement will be cast, you can do so safely, naturally. And if nothing else, even these moments of sharing and receiving can be significant in the processing of a difficult situation. Before any modality, technique or intervention is even introduced. And like any relationship that lasts, you can return to these individuals and feel like “no time has passed”, even if it feels like a world of events has occurred. 

That sounds nice but I’ve got friends that make me feel safe and non-judged. Why pay for therapy if I have a solid support system already?

First off, good for you, seriously. A solid support system does not happen easily nor overnight. Nurture it. Indeed, a solid support system does go a long way in maintaining strong mental health. It is often said that when difficult things happen in life, it is in how the community around a person responds and shows care and support that best predicts the recovery of that individual. Forming a strong relationship with your counsellor is important for similar reasons but a community should not replace therapy nor should a therapist replace a community. Your community is built as pillars are built on a house. To last and endure. To remind you that you’re never alone. A therapeutic relationship is a finite bond that allows you to pause and reflect on what isn’t working to allow you to then return to your life and your community with more understanding.

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An insight into Gibson Mental Health and relationships…

I became a counsellor because some of the most memorable moments in my life have come from meeting new people and the feelings and conversations that come from these sometimes instant bonds. I believe that a relationship with another person can quite literally be life-giving, even if all else is failing. At the clinic, this is a shared belief. Cameron and I began working together because the relationship just felt right. Each counsellor on the team was brought on with a similar feeling. We’re big on following these instincts here and we believe you should be too. If it feels right, stick around, and if it doesn’t, trust your gut and keep looking for the right fit.

If you are interested in learning more, book a Free 15 minutes intro call with a Counsellor on our team or check out our Team Page.